Waiting for something to happen...

Have you ever been in a mood where you just wonder when life will begin? Have you ever thought that this is all there is? Constant waiting. Unless maybe I am just that big of a loser. Seriously though, I know I am still young but in the real world that doesn't mean shit. Maybe it's because I've been travelling where there is always something exciting even if it's nothing at all. People seem more exciting as well. At home, it's just the same friends and the same damn pub every week. Days feel so much longer now and it's a struggle to pass the time alone. I used to enjoy being alone and I would even pass on going out to watch a movie with my cat. I know that sounds lame, but I enjoyed it at the time. Now I regret not going out as much as I should have in high school. It seems that people are just too busy now working or being a relationship. Is that what I need? A relationship? Maybe, but I am so damn wierd about that. I like someone, I get the chance and then I pick apart evey little thing about them that I don't like. Then when I am finally ready and realize how much I want to be with them, that person loses interest. It happened recently to be honest. I have a friend, I have always liked him, then I got the chance and it got wierd. Now he's acting strange around me. I don't normally care so much about these things but I have realized recently how lonely and pathetic I am. I just don't want to end up alone in a pub somewhere when I am 50. Once again, I know I am only 20 and I have my whole life ahead of me but I'm scared it won't be how I imagine. I'm scared that I'll be saying the same thing in ten years from now. I guess once I start woking more, it will be better. I will get money and I will be able to go to the UK which I've been wanting a long time. Eeven then, problems seem to follow people. I just feel sometimes that I want to go somewhere and start over. Meet new people. Then again I think, "oh yeah, i did that." This is the same reason I went to Australia. I wanted to start fresh. It was great, but then I missed home. Good friends are not easy to leave, trust me. So then I got home, and it went right back to the way it was like nothing happened. I love home, and I love my friends and family but I just wish I had something more exciting in my life. I think the problem is... I am easily bored. With people, places, and even my own image. I always look forward to change and I am always changing. Even then, there is something missing. I'm like an addict. I want something so bad, I get it and then realize that it's not good enough. Maybe I am just way too self absorbed and should stop analyzing myself so much.