Lately I've been feeling a lot of angst in my life and I just cannot seem to drown it out. Last night I lied on my bed and pondered and it brought me nowhere at all. It wasn't even something I could cry about, it just was. I felt completely numb about my life and my future. First I was thinking about my friends and things they have said that maybe I'm looking into too much. Have you felt like people have no idea who you really are? Or that they have this fixed idea of you that you cannot escape? You get this really uncomfortable feeling that you don't belong. Then you think about every move or sentence until you just cannot speak at all. The brain has this amazing way of making you think you're completely alone in the world. Thoughts run through your head that begin to not even make sence anymore and you just wish you could shut them off. I've been feeling more and more this way and I wish I could just "be" without having to think about it. Last night I was out with my friends and I kept thinking I was a character in a film. The one that people don't actually like but feel sorry for them because they are so pathetic. I can't even describe her but I have this clear image of her that I hate so much. In the end I realized this was bullshit and I was being paranoid. It always happens this way. I don't even know why I think about it so much when I know it will be alright like all the other times it's happened. I get one little thought running through my head and it leads into a ridiculous version of my life that's so convincing. I always feel like I am becoming the person I am desperately trying to hide from. It's getting so bad that I am documenting every little word or action. It's almost as if I wish I could have a remote that I could go back and rewind every moment. To be honest, I think I would be stuck in that same place for a long time. It could never be perfect enough. It's complicated. My parents aren't helping either. Living in my house is not healthy anymore. Being the youngest, my parents feel like they have to attach themselves to me and be in every aspect of my life. I'm embararassed by them. I can never just be alone. I need space and it gets to the point where I feel sick when I hear them speak. I went in my basement today to read and my Mom kept coming down and talking to me about nothing at all. My Dad is like an annoying little brother. No matter what I do he has to bother me. I want to move out on my own but I can't afford it. I love them but they need to learn how to detach themselves from my life and realize I'm an adult now. My Mom just needs a friend I think. Maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if they didn't always fight or nag at eachother and then come to me for sympathy after like I'm their fucking marriage counselor. Oh drama. I love to vent.

Pink Train Park Tiger Beans... Now That's a Catchy Title!

Well, my 20 birthday just passed and I don't feel any different. At least now I can say I'm in my 20's. Strange. The things I planned when I was little. Nothing ever really turns out as planned I guess. It makes life more interesting. I did plan to be going to college and have a boyfriend by now and that hasn't happened. But I never expected that I would have travelled 6 different countries either. I never planned to skydive, or sail, or fly a plane, or almost die in Thailand. Yet I am 20 and I have. I guess I can't say my life is boring. At times, it feels like it. Living at home, working at a coffee shop, hanging out on weekends. That's reality though. If life were exciting every day... it just wouldn't be that interesting. There would be no need to imagine either. That must be why rich people are so boring. It's always the down and out people that seem so interesting. Seriously, some of the coolest people I've met were homeless people on the streets of Vancouver. They appreciate every little thing that brings them the slightest bit of happiness. I'm just too high maintenance for that shit. I'm going to go off topic but I was just thinking about how most of society today is extremely self absorbed and how "people" say we need to love more. When I think about it though, "love" whatever that might be (it's different for everyone) is a little selfish. Think about it. In order to be loved (the most powerful feeling one could have) we need to give love. In that case, aren't we just thinking about ourselves? Love is a strange thing. I love my family because they love me. I love my cat because he makes me feel better. To be "in love" though. I've been infatuated before. I thought it was love at first. It takes that form until it hurts and then you know because "true love" lasts forever. Maybe it only exists in our imagination and that's what makes it so special. To hate someone seems less selfish. To go through the effort of hating someone without getting anything in return. Without it, we wouldn't know love. For some reason though... we fear it. Anyways, that's enough of that shit. I don't understand it and never will. On another note, I'm sick. I have a cold. I haven't had one for about a year and now my entire household is sick and people at work, there's no escaping "the bug." So tonight I rented movies and ate tomato soup. For the first time, I watched "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and I must say that's it has to be one of the best movies of our time. It sure makes you think. The system is so twisted. Psychologists love to make you think you're crazy because they want what's in your pocket. It's true. I bet you could go into a mental institution sane and turn into a lunatic in the end. They want you to feel anything but normal it seems. It's such a manipulative practice. I think psychologists must be a little scattered themselves to get into that type of profession. Does it make them feel better to convince someone that they are weaker than them? To be honest, I saw a therapist a few times and I didn't think I had a problem until after. They pick you apart piece by piece and put you into a little box with a tag on it like you're not even human. Then they sort you out by "title" and send you on to the next room for further inspection. At some point, it's no longer about getting attention and you just give up because you are humiliated more than anything. Whatever... I'm just rambling on now. There are people out there who seriosuly do need mental help and just aren't getting it the right way and I think it's sad. Anyways, that movie is definately worth being watched at least once. Jack Nicholson is an awesome actor and he's so damn cute in this movie. I'm off to bed for the night. I work tomorrow and have to get over this stupid cold! Cheers xox

A reflection
So unfamiliar
She slows her jagged steps
for a better glance
One question
burning in the back of her throat
Choking her
Who is this girl looking back at me?
A face, a body, a voice
A character
clothed in flesh
based on anything at all
It fits her well
this new mask
Simple outside
not like before
yet complicated within
Uncertainty wraps around her
as she stares at the strange figure
Just a reflection

In a room so cold and dark
a stench so potent
You look at me
but not with the same familiar smile
So classic, so delicate
An artist could not capture it's beauty
Only a face, but not your own
Pale as winter, and still like water
Mouth of ink and eyes so hollow
Has she seen you the way i have?
The unrecognizable you
Not painted and dressed up like a doll
So perfect, so flawless
But that's the way she likes you
The only way she can look at you
Even then she can't bear the sight
Not like me
I've seen it all
The ugly, barren you
How could you do this to me?
Leave me to fall?
To see you like this?
Leave me to take the blame?
I knew you so well
or so i thought
Your life so beautiful
yet so dark and frail
At least I know your scent
The only thing I have to hold on to
though soon that will fade
and all I have left
is the burn of the whiskey
The only thing that feels real anymore

Homeless housing is NOT our problem!

You may have noticed that there has been much concern about Vancouver’s poverty and housing issue circulating the news lately and what the government is wanting to do to manage it. Is this a question of trying to actually give these people a better life or are they just trying to eliminate the problem to give Vancouver a better reputation before the Olympics? I realize this has become a problem over the past few years; however, it’s not being dealt with in the best way possible. No wonder more and more people are becoming homeless when you can be provided with everything you need and not expected to give anything back to the general public in return. It almost seems like a good idea for some. There are students who work three jobs to pay for school and the general cost of living. I haven’t seen the government give them anything but a tuition increase. We work hard to put food on the table and provide shelter. Do we receive anything? No. Instead our taxes increase to provide out of work people with food and housing. There is no doubt that conditions of living are harsh on the streets and I realize that many of these people have mental illnesses or addictions. But to suppress the issue by just giving them what they need for nothing in return. Is this the absolute best option there is? Or is it just the fastest and most convenient one before the Olympics begin? Think about it. It’s only going to cover up the problem but in the end, it will not actually solve anything and it will go on for years to come. I have seen people living on the streets that seem quite capable of working, yet it is much easier just to get things handed over to them. Maybe laziness is a factor in all of this. There is no need to change or improve your situation when you are being ultimately rewarded for it. If you actually ask these people, most of them would rather live on the streets instead of working and paying for housing. If we gave them a chance to start a life, some of them would be right back out there. The homeless people of Vancouver are getting used to being mothered by the government. I could almost call it “spoiled.” If you want to see real poverty, go to Thailand or China. Only they aren’t given anything at all but they try to make the best of it because they don’t know any better. Here is an example. A young woman, who often loiters around King George Highway in Surrey and seems quite together asked for money from my friend who then told her to get a job. The woman then replied, “pan-handling is my job.” Here’s a thought to chew on. It may sound utterly ridiculous at first but work around the edges. Make pan-handling taxable! Here’s another idea. Maybe if immigration to British Columbia was cut down, jobs would be more abundant and there would be less people on the streets. It’s not perfect and I honestly don’t know what the solution is. I’m also not going to rack my brain around it because I am not getting paid to do the government’s job. All I am saying is that instead of covering up the problem, get down to the bottom line. Ask what the real issue is behind all of this and then you can resolve it!

Da Vinci Hype?

This blog sometimes seems like nothing but problems. I mean, I don't really want everyone to read it but I know that my friends and family do most of the time and it's nice to see comments. What I don't understand is that people go through the effort of reading it and then write something mean or say no one cares. If you don't like me or don't care... why would you read it in the first place? You would have to be a pretty sad person in my opinion. Anyways, it shouldn't bug me. I guess not everyone has to like me... considering I don't like 80% of the human race. Speaking of which, I watched the Da Vinci Code for the first time the other day and I don't get why so many people have a problem with it. Yeah... I "watched" it, not "read" it because the book is damn confusing and I took the lazy way out. Right... back to where I was. I found it very entertaining and it was an extremely brilliant and creative idea... but nothing more. Which brings me to this. It's amazing how close minded religious people are. There was so much uproar and negative critisism over nothing but pure "fiction" which was even admitted my the author himself. He said that he doesn't even believe it and it just seemed like a good story idea. I believe in God but I also believe in open mind. People get so wrapped up over something and let it control them to the point that they can't even think for themselves anymore. It's pretty damn sad in my opinion that people cannot even accept an idea even if it is fiction just because someone tells you it's wrong. Really people... what is the point of defending something if there is no real threat against it? Are you that brainwashed? Then there is the odd nut job who believes this Da Vinci shit and starts their own twisted religion even if it is just based on one man's idea. An incredible idea at that... but still, not proven or even claiming to be true. Then there is scientology... don't even get me started on that. In my opinion, religion is for people who cannot think for themselves and therefore need to be told what to do and what to believe. Then again... it is also meant for people who are striving for power and want people to follow "them" and believe what "they" believe and not necessarily God. Ultimately, it's a pretty sad and twisted world we are in when what we look to most when we are in need is just another scam created to feed the power driven man. Don't get me wrong since I am a person of faith but it is so hard to see truth in all of this when religious leaders just keep feeding us lies and basically brainwashing us or better yet, scaring us into thinking like them. No wonder so many people have turned away from God. And just because someone like me questions and doubts this "system" as it appears... I'm a bad person?

Waiting for something to happen...

Have you ever been in a mood where you just wonder when life will begin? Have you ever thought that this is all there is? Constant waiting. Unless maybe I am just that big of a loser. Seriously though, I know I am still young but in the real world that doesn't mean shit. Maybe it's because I've been travelling where there is always something exciting even if it's nothing at all. People seem more exciting as well. At home, it's just the same friends and the same damn pub every week. Days feel so much longer now and it's a struggle to pass the time alone. I used to enjoy being alone and I would even pass on going out to watch a movie with my cat. I know that sounds lame, but I enjoyed it at the time. Now I regret not going out as much as I should have in high school. It seems that people are just too busy now working or being a relationship. Is that what I need? A relationship? Maybe, but I am so damn wierd about that. I like someone, I get the chance and then I pick apart evey little thing about them that I don't like. Then when I am finally ready and realize how much I want to be with them, that person loses interest. It happened recently to be honest. I have a friend, I have always liked him, then I got the chance and it got wierd. Now he's acting strange around me. I don't normally care so much about these things but I have realized recently how lonely and pathetic I am. I just don't want to end up alone in a pub somewhere when I am 50. Once again, I know I am only 20 and I have my whole life ahead of me but I'm scared it won't be how I imagine. I'm scared that I'll be saying the same thing in ten years from now. I guess once I start woking more, it will be better. I will get money and I will be able to go to the UK which I've been wanting a long time. Eeven then, problems seem to follow people. I just feel sometimes that I want to go somewhere and start over. Meet new people. Then again I think, "oh yeah, i did that." This is the same reason I went to Australia. I wanted to start fresh. It was great, but then I missed home. Good friends are not easy to leave, trust me. So then I got home, and it went right back to the way it was like nothing happened. I love home, and I love my friends and family but I just wish I had something more exciting in my life. I think the problem is... I am easily bored. With people, places, and even my own image. I always look forward to change and I am always changing. Even then, there is something missing. I'm like an addict. I want something so bad, I get it and then realize that it's not good enough. Maybe I am just way too self absorbed and should stop analyzing myself so much.

I must say it's been some time now I feel that I have left you with no definate update of my life. At the same time though, I realize that you probably have more important things to do besides read about me. But to those of you who do read my blog or are not yet taken over by the world of facebook, I am in fact still alive. I believe the last time I updated I was in Thailand. I didn't know a place so beautiful could exist even though like every country, it had it's flaws. After the last time I wrote, I travelled by long boat to Rayleigh Beach, Phrenang Beach and Phi Phi Island. I spent most of my days on the beach and my nights were spent drinking Chang beer and watching sitcoms. It was all going great until my lack of discretion caught up with me. For about a week, I had been eating seafood and fruit shakes from street vendors without a care. Well, I have NEVER been so sick in my entire life! I ended up at the hospital for two days in Phi Phi hooked up to an IV. I passed out one night after puking up blood for about 3 hours straight and fortunately my friend got hold of the doctor. I got picked up barely conscious by a motorbike with a dilapidated wagon attached. When I arrived at the hospital, I was poked and pinched and got needles shoved into me by people shouting in Thai. Anyways, I won't go into anymore detail, but it was hell. It was the first time in my life I thought I was going to die. In the end I was fine and after a brutal flight to Vancouver, I finally arrived home. Since then, I have been doing absolutely nothing with my life beside spending hours on facebook and drinking way too much red wine. I will be working in August though which I'm not looking forward to. I guess I do need the money to pay off my outrageous debt. Seen as I am almost 20, I have been thinking a lot about my future and what exactly I want to do. I figure that once I pay off my debt, I can get more serious about it since I can't exactly go to school being broke. I am thinking along the lines of travel or journalism... or maybe travel journalism. I also love taking photos and consider that maybe I could one day make money for my amazing natural talents. On the other hand, that might take the fun out of it all. All I know is that I have to do something soon or else I will die drunk and alone, being eaten by my numerous cats with strange names in my studio apartment.

In the most amazing place on earth!

Guess where I am... THAILAND!!! It has become my most favourite place in all the world and I may never leave! When I first got to Bangkok, I was sooo nervous but everyone was really friendly and I felt so safe! I didn't like Phuket one bit though. I arrived there at about 1am and some guy was shouting in Thai and shoved like 12 people into a van that could fit no more than 5 people. I got to my hotel which was really nice but I kept singing Hotel California over and over because it was so dead that it felt haunted. The next day I took the shuttle to Patong beach where I took a bus to Phuket Town. I have never gotten so much attention in my life! Some random guy tried to get me to go in his car and I was so sketched out until I found another taxi driver who seemed legit until he tried to sell me overpriced diamonds which I'm pretty sure weren't even real. I finally got to Krabi after so much confusion and craziness and I fell in love. My hotel was amazing and had a really nice view of the river and I have to mention that the food was to die for. There was little street stalls that sold smoothies in plastic bags for like 10 Baht and I ate amazing seafood there. I met a few girls and had dinner with them there and I even met a Canadian guy named Nick who I've spent the last few days. We got to know one of the vendors really well and he had a Chiang beer with us, we didn't have a clue what he was trying to tell us though. I stayed in Krabi for longer than planned and had such a great time. I did a long boat ride and got to hold a blow fish, and went into caves from the movie "The Beach." I discovered something there as well... it's called shopping. I was hooked! It's so cheap that I can barely close my bag! Most of it doesn't fit though because Thai girls are all size zero it seems. After a few days of eating, drinking, and shopping, we took a boat to Reh Lei beach which was incredible. We stayed a few nights in a sketch bungalow where many roaches called home and the shower was electric if that makes sence. It was also a 15 minute hike to get there... up stairs. But we spent most days at Phenang beach which was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. There was even people cooking at the beach! I ate pad thai and got a foot rub right on the sand. I even got a whole pineapple for 30 Baht and it was so sweet. It's like heaven! I did some climbing as well which was cool but it was too hot. I even pet a wild monkey eating pad thai which I realized after could have killed me and I wasn't supposed to touch it. It seemed so innocent but people think I'm nuts now. Now I am in Ao Nang because I'm waiting a friend to go to Hong Island who isn't showing so I think we'll spend the night here and I'll head to Phi Phi tomorrow! I am so overwhelmed by this place and it's so cheap! I have to mention the most important thing... just for you Melissa. Food food food. It's a fat person paradise here! I have been eating THE BEST seafood and noodles and fresh fruit smoothies all the time for sooo cheap! I only felt sick once too! I am saddened by the hundreds of sick cats here. I have never seen so many stray animals who look so diseased. Well, there is so much to tell and so much to see I can't explain it in words. Unlike Australia, I am treated like a queen! Thai people are the friendliest folks you will ever meet. It's almost time to go home and all I know is I never want to leave! It's beautiful, strange, funny, exciting, scary, different, and incredible all at once. I can't wait to share more stories with all of you!

Cheers, Tray xx

This is the end, my friend...

Well, my Oz trip is finally coming to an end. I'm back in Gisborne where I am freezing my arse off but no fear... I will be in sunny Thailand in less than a week. I can't believe six months has gone by so fast. I guess it's not over yet though. I still have 5 days left and plan to see Melbourne once again. So to keep you all updated, here's what happened after I last blogged. In Cairns, I went rafting and snorkelling and did some much needed partying after three weeks of detox at Home Hell. I had a great time there and wish I could have stayed longer. I met some really great people who I hope to see again someday and saw beautiful fish and coral in the Great Barrier Reef. I didn't see any turtles but maybe in Thailand since I'm planning to snorkel again there. Rafting was wicked but there could have been a lot better rapids but I got a cool photo out of it. After Cairns, I was on a bus for 36 hours straight which let me tell you, I will NEVER do again. I could not sleep on the bus due to the freezing cold air con and the two lovely children sitting behind me. Plus... it was a bus. They don't exactly make them to comfortable. I finally arrived in Alice Springs after seeing 36 hours of yellow grass, a few cows, and like two petrol stations. Northern Australia isn't exactly the most exciting place. But I had such an awesome time there. When I arrived, I was so tired that I just slept all day and then went on my 3 day tour to Ayers Rock at 6am the next day. I have never done a better tour! It was sooo low budget but I think that's why it was so good. My group was so awesome and friendly, our tour guide was really funny and so laid back, and the trip was just incredible. The first day, we went to Kings Canyon and hiked for 4 hours which was brutal but really beautiful and we had a swim at the end which was nice. Then we ate lunch which was no other than tuna sandwiches. After, we drove to our camp site which wasn't actually a camp site but just a open space with some shrubs. We had a nice camp fire, had some beers (ofcourse) and ate pasta which we made ourselves on a portable stove. We slept in swags, which are pretty much sleeping bags but have a little foamie thing at the bottom and keep you a lot warmer since there was no tents. It was so cool though, sleeping under the stars beside a camp fire. The next day, we woke up at 5am, had nutella on bread as breakfast and did another hike at a place called Kata Tjuta aka. the Olgas. This was amazing and the hike was a little easier although it was 8km. After this, we went to a Aboriginal gallery and had lunch which consisted of a tortilla, some tuna, and left over veggies fromt the pasta. Oh, and not to mention, flies since you couldn't really open your mouth without swallowing a dozen. We drove some more to watch sunset at Uluru (Ayers Rock) and ate a really nice chicken curry then we drove to our camping destination, again, a bush. We roasted marshmellows, had more beer, and told stories by the fire. On the last day, we woke up at 5am to watch the sun rise over Uluru which was beautiful and then we drove there and climbed it! Well, there was only like 5 of us who actually did it and I am sooo glad I was one of them. It took about two hours of climbing but the view from the top was incredible. I was so proud of myself! After this, we headed home. Well, back to Alice Springs. This was such a perfect ending to my time here in Australia. I experienced the real outback and loved it! I didn't even freak out that there was no running water, toilet or mirror for 3 days straight. When we got back to Alice, we had a big dinner together and said our goodbyes. Two days later, I left beautiful 35 degree weather to come here. Not that I was a big fan of Alice since there was nothing to do and it was really dangerous for backpackers. I did cuddle baby roos though. So now I am with my Oz family or you might know them as "fake parents" and I have my own bed in my own room, and home cooked meals, spoiled! I know they read this so I guess I should say things like "they are such amazing, loving, warm-hearted people" and "what would I do if it weren't for them?" True on both accounts, they really have taken great care of me. Besides the slave labour, the beatings, and bathing in a plastic tub of used water, it aint so bad here. If you guys are reading this, I know I've said it before but thank you so much! You really have been a blessing. And RJ... you have tried your best to irritate me, tell me off when I need it, make me eat healthier, and compete with me in every way possible so despite what you say, I think you've been a damn good brother. And despite what I may have said to you, you have been there for me in so many ways (even 5 years ago) and you've put up with me living in your house so cheers mate! Anyways, enough with the sap and I'll get on with it. I'm leaving for Singapore and Thailand in a week and I can't wait to share my stories with you all! This will be my last blog from the land of Oz, so sad, but I hope you've enjoyed reading about my adventures. Sorry I couldn't blog more or post many photos, but I won't shut up about it when I get back and you will be tied down and forced to look at my photo album so no worries!

Cheers, Tracie xx

No more melons!

Well, the reason I haven't written in a while (not that people sem to read this anymore anyways) is because I have been picking melons in a place called Home Hill for 3 weeks. When I arrived I was greeted by a kid who looked no older than 14 and a few stray cats. I couldn't check in until 6 even though I arrived at 1pm because the owner was out drinking which means that, yes, she came back drunk. The air was filled with pot smoke and the ground was littered with butts and food. I knew that I was going to love it there. At first I was working 8 hours a day picking melons everyday for a week, until I passed out in the field and got switched to packing. It wasn't much better but at least I was out of the sun. I got up at 5:30am every morning after not much sleep since there seemed to be a riot of some sort every single night, oh, not to mention getting eaten alive by bed bugs. Then took the 40 minute journey to to the farm to begin my shift. Came back around 6pm, waited in the cue for one of the only two showers for 100 damn people, ate, and went to bed. I didn't eat all that well, seen as every time I bought food, it ended up stolen or on the floor. I sure didn't sleep well either. The first night wasn't so bad, but the next night after we went to the pub, some guys decided to stay up until 3am dumping rubbish bins, spraying the fire extinguisher, throwing beer bottles and food, and running around naked. The next morning, I had to climb over two naked guys covered in there own puke just to get to the toilet which someone had aimed for but ofcourse in a drunken state, missed. It got worse. After it was all cleaned up and they were kicked out, some new guys (Canadian) decided to have a little fun. I couldn't sleep all night because they carried on until about 5am. I got up the morning to find broken glass, piss on the floor and walls, rubbish everywhere, food, including raw meat all over the floor and it was such a nice smell I must say that I couldn't even eat because I thought I was going to throw up, and the fact that my food was now in places I can't imagine how it got there. It continued on like this pretty much each night, but in the end I did get used to it, oddly enough. I met some cool people, ate free melons, had some good nights and quite a few laughs so this made it a little better. The infamous "white bus" breaking down was pretty good too especially because it broke down next to a sign that said "paradise" in the middle of nowhere with no reception. The day I left Home Hill was probably the best day of my life. All I can say is that it was sure an experience. I took the 8 hour bus to Cairns and had the best shower and the best sleep I have ever had. It's like a 5 star hotel at this point. People are so friendly too and I've already ran into two people I know. Tomorrow I am going rafting, and then I'm going snorkelling so it could only get better from here. Today I was a bit stressed because I booked everything I needed to for the rest of my trip. It feels nice to have it done though. I just need to book a hotel in Thailand and I'm set. I was also in a bad mood because I am breaking out like a teenage boy at McDonalds and I had to run around to like 5 different stores to get some damn face wash! Tim hasn't emailed me a while too which is making me paranoid. He might email and be all like, oh yeah, I met some girl and this whole long distance thing won't work out. Furious, I would be! I know it sounds lame, but I miss home. I am actually looking forward to getting back to my family, my room, my friends, and ofcourse... Sebastian. I'm not looking forward to working my ass off to pay off my debt but I shouldn't think about that now. I'm sure the next little while will fly by and I'll want to be back here in a second. I am looking so forward to Thailand! I am still a little scared though. Thank God for Lonely Planet and my ever so helpful sister or I would be a wreck! I'm sure it will all be fine as long as I am aware and listen to Sarah. Well, I'm going to have dinner and see what tonight brings. Thanks for coming and leave comments, it ain't hard! Tracie xx

Hooray for me!

So Magnetic Island wasn't so bad after all! I went to see my friends at the YHA (which was gorgeous by the way, I'm so jealous) and the bartender there managed to get me a job picking sugarcane in a place called Ayr which is an hour south of here. I really don't know what to expect but I'm sure it will be hard work. Oh well, you can't just relax for 4 months without paying the consequences. I'm sure it will be worth it. I get $16/hour but I have to pay for accomodation but that's only $109 a week which is really good. I will finally have some cash! I will still be in debt by the end though which just means I have to work my ass off when I get home. Even though I'll only be there for two months because it looks like I really am going to England in August which I'm so excited about! Back to Magnetic Island... I ended up hanging out at the beach with some friends and then got a lift back in a topless jeep! So cool! Townsville is alright, it's just another city but I got a charger for my mp3 player which is so exciting after not having music for so long! I finally found pre-packaged salad too which you don't get in many places trust me. Yeah, not as great as sailing or skydiving I must admit. Once I get up to Cairns, I should have some cool things to share with you. It's a bit nice though because I've just been taking it easy. A bit of detox never hurt. No drinking, no makeup and definately no boys (since I do have one waiting for me *smile*) is my rule for the next little while. It kind of feels good. Cairns should be crazy so it's nice to have some time off. I really would like to start working out too so tomorrow I think I'll hit the gym. I have flabby thighs and a beer gut, well to me at least. Speaking of flabby, I'm of to cook dinner. Cheers!

How much worse could life get...

Well, I gotta say it's been rough. I just got back from a sailing trip to the Whitsundays and what a hard trip it was. I sailed around beautiful beaches, I snorkelled in the Great Barrier Reef, lazed around on a pure white sand beach and swam in crystal clear water. Oh, and the food was awful too. I ate fresh fish with vegetables, spaghetti bolognase, and quiche. Could life get any worse? Seriously though, what an incredible trip! I had a blast in Airlie Beach and met some really cool people before leaving on a sailing trip to the Whitsunday Islands (the most famous islands in Oz.) The boat was small and there was only ten people. It was so relaxed and at the same time so much fun! I went snorkelling for the first time and it was amazing! I saw beautiful, bright fish and coral and giant clams! My group was really cool, except for one guy who asked me to take my shirt off and argued with me that Canada was only 5 hours away from Australia. There seems to be one on every tour. It wasn't as bad as the creep who walked around in his underwear taking photos of the girls in bikinis in Fraser Island though. The weather was really nice too except for the last day when it rained a little. There was also a tsunami that hit eastern Australia the exact day we left on the boat! We were out at sea though when it hit so we only felt the water level rise. Now I am in Magnetic Island which I think is more boring than 1770. I didn't get the hostel I wanted because as usual I booked too late so I got stuck with one at the dodgy part of the island. Honestly, I was scared walking around because is was a little too quiet. Then there was a man sitting and I asked him if there were any shops around, or well, anything really. He replied, "there hasn't been anything around here for years since it died out and everyone left," in a creepy voice. No joke. I have entered the twilight zone. I took a bus to the YHA about 40 minutes away just to use the internet and buy some soap. The girls who I travelled with here from Airlie Beach and that convinced me to come are having a great time! Arg! I won't be staying as long as planned because I'm going to Townsville tomorrow to try to find work. There is bad reception here so I'm having trouble calling the farms. I am hoping to find a fruit picking job as I am broke once again so please wish me luck! Otherwise, my debt will easily climb to about $3000 which will be painful. Tim is really serious about me going to England as well so I don't know what to do! Well, internet time is low and I probably should get back to my own hostel at some point. Bless you and take care!

These cost a lot of internet time so be happy!


Me, Kate, Mikey, Rooney and Taz


Kate, Mel, Me and Tim at the club in Hervey Bay (the candid shot)


On the choppers in 1770 (second right on the bike)


Surf School!


Me on the board... standing!

Well I am feeling a bit better than last time I blogged. I am in 1770 and having a nice time. When I first got here, I was in such a bad mood. I left my friends, I found out I lost a lot of my photos which I THOUGHT were burnt onto a disc and was a bit lonely to be honest. I am having fun now though, meeting people, going surfing, and riding choppers like a crazy biker girl. I feel pretty damn cool, oh yeah. I am leaving tomorrow night to go to Airlie Beach and the Whitsunday Islands which (bite my tongue) I haven't booked. Sounds a bit like me, doesn't it. So I'll most likely have to chill in Airlie for two weeks before getting on a boat. 1770 is a cool little place. Very relaxed, nice people (a bit strange) and lots of cheap things to do like surfing for $15, I'm not kidding! I will be kayaking with dolphins too for $30, hmm, so it was good I didn't go in Byron. I was thinking earlier that I wouldn't mind going home now. Not that it's not amazing but I am completely satisfied with everything right now. I could not ask for more in life. I have done so many cool things and met so many wicked people. I'm not trying to brag but seriously, it's pretty damn cool. I just never expected something like this would happen to me. Life is not how I had planned it ten years ago, but I'm glad. Nothing is what you expect and that is what is so great! I might even be going to England now this summer because well... I might have met a guy who I might be crazy for and who might be paying for me to go to the UK to see him. It seems a bit unreal but it's pretty serious between us. Anyways, I have spent so much time on this computer I think I might be out $10, yikes!

It's raining today and it's funny because it suits it. If it was sunny, it wouldn't be the same. The rain always seems to fall at all the right times whether we like it or not. Do you know what I mean? Like if your sad, or lonely or sick... it rains. I love travelling but I've learned the hardest thing about it is saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to friends you may never see again, to a life you may never experience again, or to a place you may never visit again. All we have is memories and photographs but at times, it doesn't seem like enough. When I first arrived in Hervey Bay, I hated it as you all know but now I can't seem to leave. I have made some great friends and had some amazing times here but now the present is slowly fading and soon it will all be a memory. I know I will move on and meet new people but some people you just feel like you can't leave and would hop on a plane just to see them one last time. I booked another night here just to sort out my head and I will be leaving tomorrow for a place called 1770 unless I get a job here but I don't know if I could handle staying if it won't be the same. Well enough being sappy, I'm sure I will feel a bit better later and I will post some photos if I can. I am having a great time, don't get me wrong. But that is the problem. You get so comfortable and don't want that moment to leave. I am looking forward to going home but I just know my life will not be the same and that is hard to think about. I hope you are all doing great and loving life like you should be.

sometimes things aren't what u expect!

well well, i know that last time i posted i was extremely bored and hating hervey bay. things have changed and im having a great time! i've met so many cool people and the hostel workers treat me extra special and give me free drinks, hehe. probably because i've been here longer than most people, except for one girl who i've been hanging with who's been here for like a month! i went to fraser island the other day and it was absolutely incredible. we drove along the beach and saw dingoes and the sand was pure white! i was amazed at this place! at night we went camping and ate really yummy barbecue fish. some of my group was quite irritating though so that ruined things a little. like this one old, perverted guy who was taking photos of the girls in bikinis, and then this other really racist, sexist guy who drove me nuts with his stupid comments. other than that, it was really good and i found out so many cool things about the island. i lost my camera case with my other memory card though so that wasn't good. some of my best photos are long gone so i was a little sad. i bought another 1gb memory card today so i have lots of space for photos now which is good as long as i don't lose it. so now i'm back in hervey bay and tonight we are going out for a big birthday bash for one of the workers so it should be a good night. tomorrow i am leaving for 1770 and i really don't know what to expect, it should be really nice though, just a little quiet. haha, i got my legs and bikini waxed today for the first time and ouch, it was so painful and now i have little spots all over me! it was so cheap though so i couldn't resist. what else? oh yeah, i am also eating some meat again. i'm not proud of it but i really am not getting enough nutrients in my diet and have actually been craving meat like mad! i really can't live of pasta anymore and tofu is really expensive. i will probably stop again though when i get back home and can eat better. i will not eat kangaroo though! i tried it once and was disgusted at the thought. i would like to try crocodile though, it's supposed to be good hehe. the woman at the computer next to me is reading my journal and it's really annoying. anyways, not too much else to say and i should go get dinner and play pool. mmm pizza. i was getting mad at the manager because i couldn't take the courtesy bus to pizza hut so he made me a pizza haha, how cool is that! it was all in good fun though. talk to you all later when i get up to 1770! sorry no pics yet, i've been lazy and it takes ages to upload them.

Soooo bored... zzzzz

Well I'm blogging again out of pure boredom as Hervey Bay may be "the most boring hole in Australia." I have been going to the beach which is ok but it's a crap beach and it's about a 20 minute walk. I also saw hundreds of crabs and wierd worm things coming out of holes in the sand so I was a little turned off. I did go to the beach today though but it was too windy so I was really irritated because my stuff was covered in sand. It has been a bit iinteresting though. I saw a 10 year old kid trying to sell weapons to some 7 year old kids today which probably isn't funny but it made me laugh anyways. I also got a free beer because the washing machine didn't work so that was good. I finally got a bit of a tan too so it's not all bad and tomorrow I'm getting my ugly, hairy legs waxed because it's quite cheap. I'm also planning on going to a movie so that will give me something to do besides the beach. Speaking of movies, I have recently watched 2 that were awesome! If you have the chance, see Pursuit of Happyness and Smokin' Aces (one of the sexiest bloody mob movies ever.) Sarah, you would definiteley approve! Oh, I have been thinking way too much since being here since there is not much else to do. I'm worried about my friend on the pig farm because she hasn't gotten back to me to let me know she's ok. I mean, she was getting picked up by a farmer at 10pm so it's a little sketch. I have my Fraser Island tour coming up in a few days so that should be really good. I'll meet heaps of people I imagine, unlike here where it's all couples! I even found out the nearest store from here is a 20 minute walk, oh man. I got lost the other day trying to find my way back from the beach and ran into a couple crazy people to ask directions. It was late at night to so I was so scared. Honestly the entire town shuts down at about 8pm. At least it's giving me some time to relax and take care of myself a bit better than I have been. Oh man, I just got bit by one mosquito in 3 places, arg. The bugs are very determined to kill me here. They are everywhere! I found a lizard beside my bed too haha. I am getting used to it now though. Before I would have flipped at the sight of a bug but they are even in my food and it doesn't bother me... that much! I found out that I can't charge my mp3 player anywhere so I have no music for the remainder of my trip unless I find somewhere that has Windows XP that I can plug it in for 5 hours straight which is not likely. Well it is now dinner time so I best be leaving since all I ate today was chips and dip (don't worry Mom, I am eating!) I'll write more in a bit, but now it's grub time!

So broke but luvin life!

Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile but here I am. I've been so busy and internet is not the easiest thing to access all the time. I am in Hervey Bay now which seems a bit boring but the hostel is so beautiful. There's a bar, pool, hot tub, spa, and it's huge! I also have a double bed but I'm only paying $20 a night, hehe. I haven't met anyone yet because they all seem to be couples on vacation! I loved Byron and had such a good time there! I met so many awesome people too! My boyfriend did dump me for another girl though which was shocking. I did meet another guy though who I spent lots of time with. Cute story actually, we both got lost going to the light house and then we walked there together. It was sad when I had to leave him. But I guess that's travelling! I was just in Noosa and loved it! I had such a nice time and met a girl who could honestly be my sister we got along so well! Don't worry Sarah, you're still number one! And she could never take your place Melissa. Anyways, we travelled together but today we had to part which was a bit sad. I might be able to work with her on a pig farm though which would be wicked! I am completely broke if I didn't mention. I have about $200 in my account which will get me through a week at the most. My parents are helping me though and I owe them heaps! I'm trying not to think about it now and just enjoy the time I have until I have to go home. It is hard though, I'm like eating scraps and have stains on all my clothes. I did get a suitcase to help me with all the junk I've collected along the way which has made my back sack so much lighter. I hope I get this job though because I'd earn about $3000 in 3 weeks! That would really help me out! In a couple days I am going to Fraser Island so that should be a nice treat! I get to camp and swim and laze on white sand! If I don't get this job, I'm off to 1770 next. I will hopefully be able to post some photos in a few days. I have not taken as many as usual which kind of sucks, but it's fun just going out and not feeling like a tourist if you know what I mean. I have met so many random people and had so many funny experiences here! The other day, I met a guy who gave my friends $5 for a half eaten lolly haha. The speedos on the beach are quite a sight to. Well my internet time is running low so I better get off. I love you all and bless you! Cheers!

Luvin' Byron!

Hey guys, I'm finally in Byron and I'm having a great time here! It's so relaxed and fun. I've met some really cool people and they're all so friendly! I met this cool girl who loves food as much as me and laughs at the stupid girls at clubs like I do. Yesterday we went to this really cheesy restaurant "trying to be a club" and had a lot of laughs. There was girls dancing with their tops off for free drinks and one guy got butt naked! It was really quite pathetic. They played the same tape over and over again too. It actually is quite fun being sober at a club and watching other people make an ass of themselves. I met the hottest guy ever and he's so funny too! Think Josh Hartnett with an English accent and tattoos. Oh I am in love, haha! He's a bit different too, I can't explain. I guess I've just never felt that way about a guy before. Anyways, enough girly talk! I also went out for dinner last night and it was amazing! It was my friends last day so we decided to celebrate and eat Mexican! I had seafood chilli and margheritas! Best meal of my life! I had a horseride on the beach booked for today but the weather is really bad so I'm doing it on Friday instead. Pleeeease hope it clears up for me! I have skydiving tomorrow as well and the weather better be nice or else! I've recently realized that I don't have as much money as I thought I did so I've been stressing out a lot. My friend said not to worry about that and if I can't make it to all the places I want to go, to make the best of the places I have been. As long as I get to Cairns, Uluru and Fraser Island then all shall be good! I think I might stay longer in Byron though because I love it and want to experience it in good weather. I could get a job but I just don't have time and it would pay for like a week of accomodation I figure when I could be somewhere else! I think today I might go to the lighthouse but I don't know if it's worth it in the rain, plus I don't know where the girl went that I was supposed to go with. I can't post any pics right now because these computers are really slow but I might at some point. You'll see them anyways when I get back. I'm enjoying my hair better now that I've learned how to manage it, it's so blonde! It look cute though right now. I couldn't care less anymore, I mean yesterday I looked like a drowned rat and the cutest guy ever fell for me. There is really so much more to life than image. Well, I should get going because I'm sure there is something better to do. I need to buy bread too because it was green this morning, eek! I guess you totally needed to know that haha. I love you all and take care! I'll be home soon and I can't wait to see everyone! Cheers!

In Lennox

I am currently in Lennox at a really expensive internet cafe drinking a cappuccino and listening to Jack Johnson. I am here because I am trying to stay out of the sun as I have a brutal sunburn and there isn't really much else to do in this town. My hostel is cute but really small. We are by a lake which is beautiful so I've been night swimming a lot. There's a great beach on the other side of us as well where I watch the kite surfers. I want to try that so bad! Well, I got my hair done which was fun because I got to drink champagne and eat strawberries while getting it done. It looked good when it was straight but now it looks like shit so I'm a bit dissapointed but it'll grow I guess. I've been wearing a hat everyday anyways. Besides being a bit sad, sore and bored, this is quite a nice town and the people are great. I'm the baby in the hostel but it's cool, they buy me beer haha. I'm sharing a dorm with this cool hippie lady who has been like a mother to me. I swear this place is changing me though. I haven't shaved in two weeks, I bath in the lake and I wear two dollar sun dresses with bare feet. I was also dancing on the beach the other night which was cool until I couldn't find my stuff but after looking frantically for a half hour, I did. I met two Canadian boys yesterday too which is nice because it seems everyone is German or English here. I really didn't realize how horrible our accent is though. I really wish I was Scottish or something cool that didn't sound retarded. Apparently I sound like a yank though so I guess that's good in a way because honestly spend a month with a Canadian and you'll go nuts! Well I have to go because I have to figure out where I'm going next and this internet is making me broke. What a wierd experience I am having, that's all I can really say right now. I hope you guys at home are having fun in the snow! Trust me, at the moment snow sounds like heaven to me so I'm not mocking. I'll get back to you all when I get to Byron and go skydiving which I'm thrilled about! Ta!

More from Sydney

Well I bought more time because I really can't go to sleep right now even though I gotta get up at 6am. I mean it is Friday night for crying out loud and here I am being a loser even though I had free tickets to some nice clubs. At least I'm not looking at Hollywood gossip sites like the girl next to me. Wow, Britney Spears shaved her head! Ok, I know that stuff is not good for me so I will stop reading her web site even though it is in German. Ist Deutch! So to get back to my stories, I will start with the plane trip. It was amazing, like nothing you have ever seen. I thought I was in a dream for like 20 minutes or some incredible acid trip, but I really wasn't! I can't really explain it though because it's just for me I believe. Hehe, you will never know my secrets. I got to the hostel at about 8am and just crashed. Then later I went to the aquarium which was also amazing. You would have to see it to understand. I think fish were created when God created art. I walked under sharks and seals too! It was really like nothing I'd ever seen before. I'm really seeing things in a new light now, my senses are enlightened. Some guy thought I was on drugs at the aquarium which I guess is good, I'm not quite sure. I was quite happy though! I'm also seeing the disgusting and depressing side of Sydney as well. According to water crystals in this book I read, it's a black hole. Poor city is doomed I tell you! I hope not. Right, so I got a massage the other day. It started out free, and then went to $15 and then I ended up spending $50 somehow. I think he put me in some sort of money spending miracle massage trance. Magic fingers I tell you! Well, I won't do that again! I'm getting my hair done on Monday too. I was invited to some special promotion. I get pampered all day and get to eat chocolate and strawberries and drink champagne while getting my hair done and a head massage. I am way too easy when it comes to these things, no wonder people pick me out in a crowd. It's like $140 but it seems worth it. I mean, I'm not doing thw wine tour I was gonna do which is $100. Be quiet! I gotta justify it somehow! I got free club passes too! I don't think I'm going to use them though because I'm scared. Plus my friend cancelled out on me. Honestly, I'm trying this whole innocent girl thing out. It's too easy to put myself back in a hole that took two months to come out of. I'm even drinking soy milk for crying out loud! I'm reading a lot too! I finally found A Road Less Travelled for $9 so I can finish it! I'll let you know how my tour went after tomorrow. I'm off to Lennox next. I don't know why I'm going there, but I am and that's all I gotta say about that. I'm going to Byron Bay after to this really cool hippie hostel where I get to sleep in a teepee. Love you all. Cheers!

Back in Sin City... oops, I mean Sidney

Hello to all from Sydney. I arrived here safe and sound on Wednesday and I'm going great. I have a tour booked tomorrow for the Blue Mountains which I'm so excited about! I went to the aquarium on Thursday and it was incredible. I have so many great photos I'd love to share but I don't have too much time left on here. I fell into a tourist trap the other day but it ended up being great. It was a massage out of all things, I'll touch up on that later too. I also have a great story about the plane trip, so awesome. I'm getting my hair done on Monday too. I get to have strawberries and champagne while doing it too, I will have to tell you about that as well haha. I went on a jet cruiser today and it was fun. I saw the harbour like never before, including a nude beach which was full of sexy old men in speedos oh yeah. Well, time is running out! I love you all and God Bless! Oh by the way, I'm being a good girl here now, unlike last time so don't worry about me. This city is too outragious!

Here's a cool poem I found, I hope you like it as much as I did

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

New Pics!

Goodbye to Gisborne!

Well, today is my very last day here in Gisborne. I've had an incredible two months here and I'm really going to miss it. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and self discovery which has prepared me for the rest of my trip. Besides preparing for my trip and working out my life struggles, I have also been swimming in the Murray River which was so amazing. I felt so free and content. The scenery was beautiful as well. I finally got a tan while I was there too! I really should be packing right because I am leaving tomorrow at 6am. Speaking of which, Lindsey is giving me a ride to the airport which is incredible and God Bless him. I am excited about leaving but I am a little sad and nervous as well. I don't quite know what to expect from here on but I know God will guide me through it. I know it will be a challenge, yet I know it will be a great adventure which I can grow from. Anyways, I might not be online for a while since I will be travelling. I will keep you updated though about my adventures here. I love you all and God Bless!

I've been having a fairly good week besides the odd spat here and there and a couple zits that are driving me insane. I went to this cool hippie town called Daylesford and talked to this woman about photography for like 20 minutes, I went to a nice lake there, and ate a "famous" vanilla slice in a place called Woodend which I am convinced will be my home someday even though it's a hole. But it's so darn cute! It's also where I've been working as a painter. Oh, I don't think I mentioned that I'm actually painting now and it's so fun! Daylesford is a really cute town too, but there's a lot of witch craft and new age crap that I really don't agree with. What else is new? I finally got water babtised. I really felt like it was something I needed to do before leaving. Umm, I've been reading a lot. I've been reading an awesome book lately called The Road Less Travelled. It's really cool if your interested in phsycology and it teaches you all about life and character. I also looked at a book called Please Understand Me and I did a personality test and it tells you what type of person you are. It's really cool and you learn things you never really thought about before but it totally makes sence! I am an INFP which is only one percent of the world population and is the same personality type as Joan of Arc. We are often misunderstood which is so true. Anyways, yesterday was Valentines Day and Christine got me a pretty necklace and a giant chocolate covered marshmallow which is just plain cruel, hehe. Then we went out for dinner and I got food poisoning, yippee! I really should have seen it coming when we saw a bloody goat hoof lying outside the pub. I had a true Aussie experience. We couldn't get a booking at a restaurant anywhere except for this scuzzy little pub in Diggers Rest, a place way out in the middle of nowhere. But we tried it and it was actually quite good. Why I ordered the "deep-fried seafood basket" is beyond me. All through the night and most of today, I have been deathly ill. Then I felt better and I took the dog for a walk. I also put a face masque on, lay in the sun and drank tea. Oh how classy I felt. I remembered though that I had to call the airport to see if it was open during the night but guess what, it closes after the last flight. I don't know if I already mentioned this, but I booked a flight out of an airport that's two hours away and I have to manage to somehow be there at 4:30am. Did I mention as well that there's no public transportation running until 5am and the nearest accomodation is 20 minutes away by bus. So I am basically screwed. Hopefully something turns up and it all works out. Ta!

Photographs

Since I've been here, I've been experimenting with photography a lot and I wanted to share some of my favourites with you. These are only some of them from my trip so far and my best ones are on another disc that Sarah took back to Canada :( Tell me what you think of these though.

I was just thinking that I've been on here lately way too much. I guess it's good though because once I start travelling, I won't be able to go on as much. Yesterday I went to Melbourne and treated myself to a Starbucks frap and some new clothes. It's been 3 months so I figured some self indulging was well deserved. Plus I've been making pretty good money at Roombas even though I might be fired now. Today I called in sick because I was out in the sun too long and my manager said "well if you don't come tonight, don't bother coming back." I'm not quite sure what it all meant so I'm going to go on Wednesday just like nothing happened and see how it goes. Other than that I had a great day. I wore my bran new pretty shirt and went to the Sunday market. I got some nice jewelry that I couldn't resist, some beads, a bag, a sun hat, and some fudge. It was way too hot down in the valley though and I got a really bad headache so I slept for like 3 hours when I got home. Anyways, back to my day out to Melbourne... I bought some shirts, black shorts, a little scarf and some miracle face cream. Honestly, I've been spending $30 on face cream all these years and I bought this stuff yesterday called "pure zone" and it's incredible. My skin is bright and clear! Not to sound like a sales person but this stuff does really work and it's like $12! I got free toner samples from Clinique too. Oh yes, and most important... I got asked out! I was buying shorts at this store and the sales guy started talking to me, we had a laugh, and then he asked me out. I ran into him again the same day and we had lunch. I felt super comfortable around him too like I knew him, it was wierd. I watched a movie yesterday about BC and it made me really home sick. I forgot how beautiful it was, I didn't even remember what it looked like. It's funny, being away makes me really appreciate where I live. Even though I love it here, people have asked me about Canada and I really haven't seen very much of it. So I've been thinking that my next trip should be to travel Canada. As much as Hawaii or Brazil has been calling me, they can wait. I think this trip has given me a new outlook on life in general. There are so many things I take for granted, and I've been so sellfish and shallow all these years. I feel like I have a new appreciation for nature, family, food, shelter, art, music, and even the simple pleasures in life. There was an old man over for dinner yesterday and he said something that made me think. He said, "Young people today really don't know how good they have it. In my day, we would be working on the farm and not travelling to other countries!" A couple months ago, I would have been so naive and said something ignorant without thinking. But it really made me think about how good I really do have it, and how I complain about really trivial things. I mean, I'm in Australia! I'm doing what I love! I think I've matured quite a bit since being here, even though others around me seem a little immature and close minded and it's frustrating. I just wish people would understand me though. Or at least experience what I have in the past while. I'm really starting to find myself and accept it, instead of hide it or be something else. I've discovered so much about myself, I've found new hobbies, and I'm really starting to see things in a new light. I'm still the same though, just happier. Even though I have my weak moments like everyone else. Maybe it's all just growing up and taking the next step. I miss being a child but there is so much more to discover and experience when you grow up. I love travelling and I love Australia! It has opened my eyes so much in ways I could never have imagined. If you ever get the chance to travel, I highly recommend it! But have an open mind because things are never what you expect and it can change you in ways you never thought possible. If you get the chance, listen to this song because it's incredible and describes exactly what I mean.

Wonders never cease

What do you feel when you let go of the wheel
Can you take a leap of faith will you face the change of pace
There are worlds out there beyond compare

Going on a journey
Somewhere far out east
We'll find the time to show you
Wonders never cease

All that we’ve been through brings my soul so close to you
why not cast your fears aside we can laugh until we cry
There are worlds out there beyond compare

Going on a journey
Somewhere far out east
We’ll find the time to show you
Wonders never cease

It's my favourite Morcheeba song and the way the words and music come together is really powerful. It makes me want to explore the world!

Sometimes I wish I was Paris Hilton

I was thinking today after walking around for 6 hours straight in heels and serving food to drunk, rich people I couldn't care less about, "wouldn't it be nice to never have to work again." Imagine just being handed money for doing nothing! Dare to dream, I guess. So far every job that I've had, I've hated. Is life just like that or is it just me? It's made me think about my career, even though I don't really need to for another couple months. But, I really think I should do something I WANT to do. Not like, just for the sake of making money. Because you have to do it everyday and it's your life pretty much. I mean, I'm way too smart, talented and good looking to serve food or have people bitch at me about their cell phones for a living. Not to be vain, I mean it's like that for a lot of people. This restaurant that I'm working in is ridiculous as well. It's really not run properly and they treat the employees like animals. I have to do everything there and if something goes wrong, it's my fault. I feel so degraded at every job I do. I want to sell my photographs and jewelry to make money because I would feel good about it. It would be nice to have a side job like that, because I would actually be sharing my talent with people. I probably wouldn't make much though, that's the thing. Well, this job won't be for long anyways and when I'm using the money to skydive over Byron Bay, I know I won't regret it. Speaking of which, I've finally decided when I'm leaving Gisborne. I'm departing on the 21 to spend a short while in Sydney to pick up what was forgotten there and tour the Blue Mountains and then I'm heading to Byron. It's not confirmed, but that's the plan. I'm so happy because I have a day off tomorrow just to relax and enjoy the day. It's supposed to be real hot so I don't know what will happen but I plan to go to Melbourne and just explore. I might even buy some clothes since I've been wearing the same ones for 2 months and there getting pretty worn out. Anyways, I'm off to bed so I'm up at a decent time. Love to all and God Bless. Cheers!

It's about 2:30pm and I work in a couple hours so I'm trying to pass the time a little. It's hard living in a small town, there's really not much to do when the nearsest city is an hour away. I really miss my car, and RJ said he would give me his to travel but there is one problem... it's manual. He was trying to give me driving lessons a while back and he said, "now put your foot on the clutch" and my response was "what the hell is that?" So you see my problem. Oh well, it's not big deal. Flights are pretty cheap and I still have my horrible Greyhound pass. I also might be able to bum a ride off this girl I met to Gold Coast. I guess we'll see, but I will have to figure this out soon. I have the option to go to Gold Coast at the end of February with free accomodation at a resort, but I still want to go to Sydney and Byron Bay before hand which means I would have to leave like next week. I could also travel with this girl, or I could do my own thing. I'm sure whatever happens, I'll have a great time no matter what. Besides that, I am having a great time here. I am working hard but my job is going well now, it's money and great experience as well. Me, RJ and a couple of his friends took a trip to his friends cabin in Sandy Point this weekend. It's about a 4 hour drive from here which I slept the whole way because we left at 6am. We were there for about 3 days and we had a blast. We got caught in a rip tide though when we went swimming which was a little scary but fortunately we got out ok. We arrived back on Monday night and yesterday was my only day off for the rest of the week so we went to the beach and met up with some friends for dinner. So many people make fun of my accent, but they love it at the same time. I've said so many words or phrases wrong though which they've had to correct me on, especially at work. Ketchup is tomato sauce and a sweater is a jumper and so on. I'm learning a lot though and I'm picking it up slowly. I'm going to go figure out some things for my trip so I will get going but I'd love to hear from you all and I'll keep blogging! Ta!

I found this cool web site on Sarah's blog so I though I'd try it out. It's a great way to procrastinate or just waste time!

Since I can't figure out this computer and put my photos on, I posted some from Google of places I have been in the last while so you get an idea.

The top four pictures are from Bendigo (about an hour from Gisborne) which is a really nice historic town and also the 3rd largest mining town in the world.









This is a photo of Roombas (where I work)

This is a war memorial on Mt Macedon where I went hiking. It's a gorgeous place with a great view about 45 minutes from Gisborne. When it's dark, you can see a shadow of the cross in the sky which is incredible.

Maybe the small town is getting to me, maybe it's the heat, or maybe it's just being a girl. In any case, I've officially taken pathetic to the next level. So it started out with a bottle of wine and a block of chocolate for breakfast, now it's ending the day pigging out on leftover Chinese food at midnight. Do you ever feel that even though nothing is right and you're in such a bad mood that everything just seems... well, funny? See, in the past month, I had $200 go down the drain, and then another $150 just recently. I even lost $2.50 in a damn pop machine. It may not seem like a lot to you but at the moment, I really can't afford to waste a dime. Is this life? I hate to seem cliche but really, is this growing up? If so, someone please give me my childhood back. Like Lindsay says, "that's life, it's just one problem after another." I mean, I have had it pretty great lately so maybe it's balancing out. By the way, ignore my other blog because I spoke to my "temporary parents" and everything is just fine between us. I guess we all fight when we've had too much of one another. I fight with my parents all the time, it's just natural. Don't get me wrong, Christine and Lindsay are really great people, but like all people, we get frustrated. Christine made me a sarong, they bought me lunch today and I even got a foot bath and dinner served on a tray after work last night because my feet were so sore. I was on my feet for almost 7 hours straight in $5 opp shop heels that made my feet bleed, talk about brutal. Besides my feet, work was great last night. It was super busy being a Saturday night but everyone was awesome and I had so much fun. I did get yelled at by a customer who "had two terrible meals and never wants to come back again" but other than that, it was great. The night before was nice too, I didn't really mention that in the midst of all my recent complaining. I went out for dinner, just to get away by myself and it was great. I was so relaxed. Today was nice too because I went to a town called Bendigo which I wish I had my camera for. I know my Dad would have loved it because it's the 3rd largest mining town in the world. Amongst all the big tourist cities, we tend to miss out on these little hidden treasures when we travel. Tonight (before my recent freakout) I made some beautiful jewelry which was quite fun. I know, I'm a nerd. I guess I never really told you exactly why I freaked out earlier. I've had this really expensive mp3 player for only like 3 months and now it's shot. I can't do too much about it either because I bought it 18 hours away from here. I just feel like I work so hard, and money get's thrown away so easily which I also learned from my "non-refundable" bus ticket incident. I was talking to RJ tonight and I realized, I'm not the only one. He's dished out so much money on a car that won't even start, a phone that's shot after a month, etc and we just laughed about it. I didn't feel so bad either after he found a tiny, thick hair in hid teeth much resembling, well, you know where I'm going with this. After venting to 4 people and writing a journal entry, you feel a little better, that's for sure. I know things will turn up, they always do. I just need to be positive and maybe stop resorting to junk food when things aren't going right. I am starting to get love handles that were never there before, that's probably not a good sign. RJ was laughing at me and said in like 5 years, I'm going to balloon if I keep it up. I need to look out. If I put on 20 pounds and start collecting cats, let me know that I have a problem, thanks. Im going to go to bed now. Here is my advice for the night, don't buy Creative products or eat carbs after 9pm. Stick to your walkman if possible, maybe your VCR too, and eat carrots or peaches instead of chips. Technology, combined with the powerful forces of fast food is slowly killing us people! Oh yes, and if you're in a bad mood or feeling a little unstable, don't blog because people might think you're insane. Good Night!

Melbourne Photos

Here are a couple photos from Melbourne. Sarah took the top two. I still can't figure out how to put my photos on this computer so I stole them from her. It gives you a bit of an idea what I've been up two though, even though there a bit old. Enjoy!



Twelve Apostles

Kangaroo

Central Melbourne

I want to go home!

So today I am having my first official miserably depressing day here. It's 11am and my breakfast consists of a bag of chips, a 250 g chocolate bar and a bottle of merlot. I was going to go into Melbourne today but I figured I'd stay home alone with the dog, eat a lot, and cry until I have to go to work at 5pm. I did exercise this morning which made me feel great, then I got ready to go out with my "Australia" parents but they came home to bitch and snap at me about everything. I believe they think I'm a mind reader and because I'm not, I'm starting to feel a little unwelcomed. See, I try my best though to please them by cooking, cleaning, working 2 jobs, grocery shopping, going to bed by... oh yes, curfew, waking up early, taking care of the pets and even holding my pee until morning so they can sleep, even though I unfortunately can't. I guess it's not enough, but I really don't know what to do. I would pack up and leave for Sydney which I was ready to do, but when I'm just starting to get settled into a good job that I worked so hard to get, it makes things awkward. I did have a really nice evening last night though. I went out for dinner at a great Chinese restaurant, drank half a bottle of wine, read a really good book, and had amazing dessert. It was nice to get out on my own for a while. Oh, I do miss home. I got a call from my sister and it made me really want to go home. I miss my Mom's cooking, and her loving heart, my Dad's goofy jokes, hanging out with Sarah, playing with my dogs, and cuddling my cat. I also miss my friends, my cousin (that's you Becs), my job, my car, the Old Spaghetti Factory, a decent shower, and just relaxing all day long without a care. The weather is miserable today too, it's humid and rainy. It's also "that time of month" which may be making things worse than they are. Once I make a little more money, I'm off. I can't wait to travel up the coast! Well, enough about my complaining. I'm going to go do something productive, maybe. I might just read for a bit. I'm sad, and a little proud to say that I have polished off my chocolate and chips throughout the course of this journal entry. I'm still working on my wine though, I'm not THAT disgusting. Now, I'll just have to wait and see whether or not it all stays down. Oh how sad I have become. I guess we all need days like this, I just wish I didn't have to work, blah. Well, time to go. I'm sure next time I talk to you, it will be on a lighter note. Have a fabulous day!

Update!

Well, it's not been too exciting here in the little town of Gisborne, except for the little bit of rain that shocked us all! Everyone was out collecting it, quite sad actually. Makes me appreciate how much rain Vancouver gets, and we all hate it so much. But honestly, now that I've been here, it's better that we have it than not. Travelling sure makes one appreciate what they have, I know I do. I am having a great time though! I started my job, which is going ok. It's very stressful being a waitress, I sure do appreciate them more, that's for sure. Today I was the only one on the floor, and almost every table was full. The kitchen was beeping me, the bar was beeping me, the customers kept asking me to get things while I had a billion other things on my mind, and everyone was yelling at me! Oh man, I felt like crying. In all that mess, I ended up dumping a plate of sauces on a customer. She was super nice about it though, so was the manager so that didn't go as hellish as expected. I also called tomato sauce ketchup, which is a big no no. So after work I went to the bar down the street and had a big glass of Shiraz, then I got home and crashed for an hour. Now, I'm about to eat peach crumble so all is well. I'm still working as a painter, and I may have a job at a video store if all goes as planned. Anyways, I'm off for the night! Cheers!

I got a job!

Well, I finally did it! I got a job in Gisborne! I applied for it yesterday and I got a call two hours later saying I have it! So I'll be working at a restaurant called Roombas about 5 minutes away from where I'm living. It's a really nice bar/restaurant and I'll be waitressing which I've never done before. I'm a little nervous but they seem desperate... I mean, they want me because of my awesome skills and my girlish charm. I'm also working as a painter, but I haven't yet painted. I've just been sanding and scraping and I must say, it's a real treat! Haha kidding... I feel like a man, but it's money! Everything is working out great! I have been having nightmares though so I haven't been sleeping much. It's really neat to experience the real Australia! I like doing "the tourist thing" but it's cool just living and experiencing everyday life. Kangaroos are everywhere, there's scary bugs, pancakes are considered wierd, they don't tip, water is like gold, people are crazy (in a good way) and most of the time, they look at me as if I'm on another planet. Today I asked at a store to put my clothes on hold and the woman's like "well do you want them or not?" I found out that they don't do that! I also found out the hard way that pop is NOT refillable. The lifestyle is very different, but I'm getting used to it. The water shortage is difficult though. I wish we could send rain from Vancouver! We're legally only supposed to shower for 4 minutes where I'm staying because it's so dry. It's kind of sad. But over all, I love it here. I'm really tired though so I'm off to eat cookies and watch my new favourite show, Black Books. If you have never heard of it and you're sence of humour is as twisted as mine, you seriously have to check it out. Good nite to all!

P.S. I'm sorry there's no photos, I can't figure out this computer very well... I will post them soon though.

Things are looking up!

Hello one and all, it is midnight here in the little town of Gisborne, Victoria on a very hot and humid Tuesday night. Last time I wrote, things weren't going so great but now they are getting so much better. I am finally getting over my horrible illness and I have pretty much been adopted into my friend's family. I even have my own room and I'm eating like a pig, eeeh! His Dad also offered me a painting job which will be well... interesting. Since I'm not so keen on that and he thinks I'll probably quit after half a day, the next few days will be dedicated to job searching so wish me luck! Honestly though, during the last few days I have been so relaxed and content. I have this amazing feeling that everything will work out just fine and that I am here for a reason. What that reason may be, I'm not sure yet but I know I will get a lot out of this experience. Oh, and about new years eve... it went really well which was a complete shock! I didn't go to any crazy parties, or watch fireworks at the Sydney Harbour Bridge like planned but it was really nice. I spent a quiet night with his family watching the fireworks on TV, eating some great food, and listening to my friend play his bagpipes. It's nice to actually remember your new years eve, hehe! I went on a really cool hike on this mountain the other day and it was amazing! Even though I was sick and felt like dying on the way up, it was worth it. The view was so peaceful and beautiful, I felt like the only person alive at that moment. I really felt like I was experiencing Australia for the first time. I even got bitten by some wierd Aussie bug, and then pet this crazy looking animal that I forgot the name of. I've learned so much about Australia in the last few days as well which is cool. I also saw this really amazing looking bird just in the back yard and a spider inside the house that can give you flesh eating disease so I'm a little paranoid. Tomorrow I am going to a youth conference with my friend so that should be fun. Also, my American friend who I met in Sydney is coming down so we're going to hang out one of these days which I'm excited about. Well I'm off to bed, please keep sending emails or leaving comments because I look forward to hearing from you! I hope you all had an amazing new years and God bless in 2007!

P.S. Please wish me luck in my job hunt!